Flatmate Etiquette: The Do’s and Don’ts of Living Together

Moving into a shared house or flat can be one of the most exciting – and occasionally challenging – experiences of student life or early adulthood. 

Whether you’re living with old friends, new acquaintances, or complete strangers, sharing a home brings out the best and sometimes the worst in people. From disagreements about dishes left in the sink to the dreaded late-night noise complaints, flat-sharing has its quirks. 

The good news is that most issues can be avoided with a bit of common sense, communication, and respect. 

This guide explores the do’s and don’ts of flatmate etiquette – covering cleaning, noise levels, cooking smells, borrowing things, and guests – so you can make your shared home a happier place for everyone.

Respect the Cleaning Balance

One of the biggest flashpoints in shared living is cleanliness. What feels “tidy enough” to one person might look like a disaster zone to another. The key is to find a balance that works for everyone. 

Flatmates should aim to share the workload fairly, whether that means setting up a cleaning rota or simply agreeing to take turns tackling common areas such as the kitchen, bathroom, and living room. 

Tidying as you go also makes a huge difference. Washing up after a meal or wiping the counter once you’re finished cooking might feel like small actions, but they go a long way towards keeping harmony in the household.

It’s also important to be considerate in shared spaces. Leaving muddy shoes in the hallway or letting laundry pile up in the living room might not bother you personally, but it will affect those you live with. If a problem does arise, try to address it through a polite conversation rather than resorting to passive-aggressive notes stuck to the fridge. 

And remember that things like bins don’t empty themselves – if it’s full, take it out. By pulling your weight and respecting communal areas, you’ll prevent resentment from building over time.

Keep Noise Levels in Check

Everyone has different routines, and noise is one of the quickest ways to disrupt them. Some people are early risers, others work late shifts, and many students need quiet evenings to study. Being mindful of the noise you create is therefore an essential part of flatmate etiquette. 

Using headphones when listening to music or watching television, especially in the evening, is one of the simplest solutions. At night, try to keep voices down in communal areas and avoid unnecessarily loud activities that could disturb others.

Parties or gatherings are fine as long as they’re managed respectfully. Letting your flatmates know in advance gives them the chance to prepare or even join in, and agreeing on a reasonable finishing time shows consideration. 

The small habits matter too. Slamming doors, blasting alarms, or repeatedly hitting the snooze button may not seem like a big deal, but over time they can become incredibly irritating. In short, if you wouldn’t want to be kept awake by it yourself, don’t subject your flatmates to it.

Cooking Smells and Kitchen Courtesy

The kitchen is often the heart of a shared flat, but it is also where tensions can flare. Cooking smells, fridge mix-ups, and abandoned washing-up are common causes of conflict. Being mindful of others while preparing food makes life easier for everyone. 

Simple steps like opening a window or turning on the extractor fan when cooking dishes with strong aromas will help prevent lingering smells. Cleaning up immediately after cooking is just as important. Nobody wants to find greasy pans or tomato-splattered counters when they come to make their dinner.

Labelling food can also help to avoid confusion. A small sticker or note makes it clear what belongs to whom and reduces the chance of arguments over missing milk or half-eaten leftovers. 

While it is polite to offer food occasionally if you’ve made extra, you should never assume that other people’s food is fair game. Likewise, don’t allow forgotten items to transform into science experiments in the back of the fridge. 

Cooking is an everyday necessity, but with a little courtesy and care, the kitchen can remain a pleasant and functional space for everyone.

Borrowing Things – Ask First

Sharing is a natural part of communal living, but boundaries should be respected. Borrowing without asking can quickly create tension, especially if it happens frequently. A charger, a mug, or some shampoo might not seem like much, but to the person who owns it, it’s a matter of respect. 

Always ask before using something that isn’t yours, and make sure you return it promptly and in good condition. If you use the last of an item, replacing it with the same quality shows that you value your flatmate’s belongings.

It’s also worth remembering that not everything in a shared house is communal. Just because something is in the kitchen doesn’t mean it’s free for anyone to use. Regularly relying on other people’s supplies – whether that’s cooking oil, laundry detergent, or teabags – will eventually cause frustration. 

Borrowing occasionally and with permission is fine, but making it a habit can damage trust. At its heart, borrowing etiquette is about respect, and respect is the glue that keeps flat-sharing running smoothly.

Guests: When to Invite and When to Rethink

Friends, partners, and family are naturally going to be part of your flat life, but it’s important to handle guests with consideration. Bringing people home without warning can be unsettling for others, especially if they are strangers. 

A simple message in the group chat before inviting someone over can make all the difference. The frequency of visits also matters. An occasional overnight stay is usually fine, but if a guest begins to spend most of their time at your flat, it can feel unfair on the other housemates who are sharing bills and space.

You should also take responsibility for your guests. If they make a mess, disturb others, or cause problems, it falls on you to sort it out. While it’s natural to want your friends around, monopolising the communal areas or assuming your flatmates want to socialise every time you bring someone over can quickly wear thin. 

Being considerate about how often you host people ensures that everyone feels comfortable in their own home.

Communicate Like Adults

Most flatmate dramas can be traced back to one thing: poor communication. Talking openly and respectfully with the people you live with prevents small annoyances from turning into full-blown arguments. 

Setting expectations early, ideally when you first move in together, makes a big difference. Discuss how you want to handle cleaning, noise, and shared expenses so that everyone is on the same page from the start.

Technology can help here too. A simple WhatsApp group for your flat is a convenient way to share updates, ask questions, or flag small issues without creating unnecessary tension. If something does start to bother you, deal with it directly and calmly rather than letting it fester. 

Remember, honest communication is often the simplest path to harmony, and it builds mutual respect within the household.

The Golden Rule: Treat Others How You’d Like to Be Treated

Ultimately, flatmate etiquette boils down to one principle: treat others how you would like to be treated. Nobody expects perfection, and everyone will slip up occasionally – forgetting to take the bin out, leaving a dish in the sink, or being a little too loud now and then. 

What matters is showing consistent respect and consideration for the people you live with.

By paying attention to the essentials – keeping shared spaces clean, controlling noise levels, being mindful of cooking smells, respecting belongings, and managing guests thoughtfully – you can help create a living environment that feels welcoming and balanced. 

Shared living can be an incredibly rewarding experience, full of friendship and memories that last long after you’ve moved on. With the right etiquette, your flat can feel less like a battlefield and more like a home.